What if You Don’t Like Your Kid’s Friends?
Does your child have a friend that just rubs you the wrong way? Maybe it’s the things they say. Or how they act. Maybe they encourage your child to do or say things you don’t like. How do you handle it? Can you realistically prevent your child from being around the friend? Are there other ways of handling your feelings?
I’m New Jersey-based school assembly presenter Michael Kirschner. For the last 10 years, I’ve presented fun and exciting anti-bullying school assemblies to schools in New Jersey, Florida, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, and New York.
Each month, I write insightful articles for my blog. These articles can help busy parents and school administrators. Today, I’ll share some simple strategies for dealing with the friends your child likes…but you don’t.
Dealing with Your Child’s Friend Tip #1: Analyze Your Feelings
Where do your feelings toward your child’s friend come from? Are there behaviors you don’t like? Things they say that upset you? Does this child’s home life seem to contradict the values you want for your child?
Or do these feelings come from another place? If you were bullied as a child, are you remembering your own feelings? I was bullied a lot as a child. Even as an adult, I still encounter things that remind me of those experiences years ago.
Dealing with Your Child’s Friend Tip #2: Talk with Your Child About the Friend
Try to see things from your child’s point of view. Sit down with your child. Ask them to tell you what they like about their friend. Is it their sense of humor? Their likes and dislikes? Try to get inside your child’s head to find out what they find so appealing about this friend.
As you talk to your child, explain the differences between right and wrong. Let them know specific behaviors their friend is doing that you don’t agree with. Set parameters on how your child spends time with the friend if needed.
And this is important. Don’t tell your child you don’t like their friend. They may feel their friend is even more important to them! In some cases, kids just like to revel. So telling your child you don’t like their friend is the absolute worst thing you can do. Stick to behaviors you don’t like when talking about the friend.
Dealing with Your Child’s Friend Tip #3: Talk to the Friend
Have a little one-on-one time with your child’s friend. What makes them tick? Get a sense of their values. How do they feel about the values you’re trying to instill in your child?
As you speak to the child, your parenting ‘Spidey senses’ will likely go off depending on what the child says. Do they seem trustworthy? Are they basically a good kid but simply misguided?
Finally, make a promise to yourself. Promise that you’ll judge the behavior but not the child. Even if the child rubs you the wrong way, there is no reason to ban your child from seeing the friend. Save that for if/when dangerous traits begin to rub off on your child.
Dealing with Your Child’s Friend Tip #4: Meet the Friend’s Parents
If your child and the friend seem like they are going to be friends for a while, talk to the friend’s parents. Schedule a fun little chat. Spend some time with the parents to see if their values match yours. How do the parents feel about the behavior that bothers you? Do the parents even know about the behavior?
But be careful. Like many parents, they may have blinders regarding their child’s behavior. Bringing up ‘bad behavior, especially at a first meeting, could be dicey. Proceed with caution.
Dealing with Your Child’s Friend Tip #5: Step Back
Even if your child seems destined to be ‘best buds’ with the friend, it may not be the case. Remember that children are growing and changing all the time. Friendships often come and go as kids grow up. Before you know it, the friend may be out of the picture.
Bully Prevention Strategies for Your Entire School
Want to encourage good behavior for every child at your school? My program “Abracabully” is a fun-filled school assembly that teaches children kindness, respect, and even some tips for handling a bullying situation.
Each show is filled with mind-blowing magic, kid-friendly humor, impactful storytelling, and plenty of participation. I even get students onstage to help make the magic happen. To find out more, simply contact me today.